Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
