I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
