Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
