I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
