Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
