How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
