After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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