Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
