Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
