i think my mom watched the whole time
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
