I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
