I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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