They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
