I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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