Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
