officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
