You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't EVER smell your tampon
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
