What a fucking waste of an outfit
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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