So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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