This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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