Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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