What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
