I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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