Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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