My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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