and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
