Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
