I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
