Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
