I'm eating all of the evidence.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
