no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
