i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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