I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're too hungover to prance.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
