textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
