He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
