I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
MIDGETS
????
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
