ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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