he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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