there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
