Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
