We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
