Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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