so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
