would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Drunk is a universal language darling
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