I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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