She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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