Jerry, you need to find god
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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