I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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