he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
