no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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