it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
