so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
